Les Misera-vamps!
by grisabele
Summary: Several members of the LoK Troupe as well and Amara and Ice get a first hand encounter with the wonderful world of Broadway...by performing Les Miserables! *Ch 4 up!*
1. Casting Call!!

**Les Misera-vamps**  
  
  
Scene 1: Casting Call  
  


Ariel: Like, I'm _SOOO_ excited!!  
  
Umah: Me too! I'll bet I get female lead!!  
  
Amara: Yeah, right...  
  
Umah: Ya wanna go, little pathetic human girl?  
  
Amara: **EXCUSE ME, BUT I AM MOST DEFINITELY NOT HUMAN!! I'M FROM ANOTHER PLANET!!**  
  
Umah: .....  
  
Kain: I can assure you you've rendered her silent for...*starts timing*  
  
Umah: Very funny, Kain...  
  
Kain: A record tenth of a second!  
  
Umah: *gives Kain "The Look"*  
  
Ariel: Hey!! Here comes...GRIZ!!  
  
*bright pink limo pulls up, one of the windows rolls down, and Griz is thrown out of it as the limo drives away.*  
  
Griz: *stands up* Hell with you too, Relena! *flips off the departing limo*  
  
Dumah: Don't like Relena?  
  
Griz: Does that need an answer?  
  
Ariel: Enough with your problems!! WHO GOT WHAT PARTS!!  
  
Griz: I was getting to that...*puts on a monocle and pulls a list out from behind her back, and starts reading the list.*  
  


**All of you have talent, and after many difficult choices to make...** **The Cast is as Follows:**  
  
Ariel will be Fantine, because she is the only one messed up enough for that part.  
(Ariel: Oh, that's nice!)  
  
Janos Audron will be Jean Valjean because Valjean sings "Bring Him Home".  
(Janos: Darn! I was hoping to be Javert!)  
  
Malek will be Javert, because Javert relentlessly hounds and persecutes Valjean.  
(Malek: Eh??)  
  
Umah will be Madame Thenardier, because...I can't think of a reason.  
(Umah: She's the female lead, right?)  
  
Amara will be Cosette as an adult.  
(Amara: Boo-yah!!)  
  
Ice will be Little Cosette.  
(Ice: I feel like you're insulting my intelligence!!)  
  
Dumah will be Marius because Amara is Cosette. And Cosette and Marius fall in love.  
(Dumah: That's a good thing, right?)  
  
Rupali will be Eponine Thenardier.  
(Rupali: Hey! I've read that book and know all about Eponine and there ain't no way--*Rahab covers her mouth*)  
  
Kain will be Gavroche, because pretending to be a little kid is good for Kain.  
(Kain: Where's the Reaver!? I'm gonna kill you, Griz!!)  
  
Turel will be Little Eponine.  
(Turel: This is punishment for that crack about Dumah's mascara, isn't it?)  
  
Zephon will be Monsieur Thenardier.  
(Zephon: Oh yes, I get to work with the talented and lovely Dumah...I mean, Umah!)  
  
Vorador will be the Bishop.  
(Vorador: I resent that. I tried out for Valjean, you know!)  
  
Rahab will be Enjolras.  
(Rahab: ...Who's he?)  
  
Melchiah will be Combeferre.  
(Melchiah: Is he bald?? Well?? ANSWER MEE!!)  
  
Raziel is Courfeyrac.  
(Raziel: How do you pronounce that?)  
  
Mortanius is Joly.  
(Mortanius: That is the complete and total opposite of my usual mood!!)  
  
Moebius is Grantaire...whom I think is the random drunk.  
(Moebius: *drunk* Do you hear the people sing, singing a song of angry men??)  
  
Nupraptor is Lesgles.  
(Nupraptor: Which sounds vaguely like Legolas!!)  
  
Anacrothe is Feuilly.  
(Anacrothe: Another random drunk, right??)  
  
Faustus is the Pimp.  
(Faustus: Yeah! I'm pimpin'!)  
  
I, otherwise known as Griz, am Whore #1! (Kain: We all knew it...*is slapped by Griz*)  
  
Umah will double as Whore #2!!  
(Umah: I feel so degraded...)  
  
Azimuth is the Old Woman and the Crone.  
(Azimuth: But aren't a crone and an old woman the same thing?)  
  
The Elder will be offstage, doing the voice of the Army Officer.  
(Elder: You mean I don't get to be in the spotlight?)  
  
And as for the rest of you...you get to handle the gunfire.  
  
_(several arguments break out and several attempts are made on Griz's person.)_  
  
Griz: Hey, I made my choices. Now live with them.  
  
Ariel: I refuse to be Fantine!!  
  
Griz: Sorry.  
  
Janos: Jean Valjean...isn't he the male lead?  
  
Griz: Yup.  
  
Janos: Then I can live with the part.  
  
Griz: Good. And as for the rest of you rabble...*gets a bunch of Turelim vampires and the ghostbusters to block all the exits* You punks aren't going anywhere.  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A/N: Alrighty!! I have officially gone off the deep end! Any character bashing is meant in good humor...except maybe the Relena bashing. 


	2. Crew Wanted!!

**Crew Wanted!**

  
  
  
Melchiah: *points at several cans of paint* Look at all the perdy colors!!  
  
Faustus: What's all the paint for, anyways?  
  
Umah: I don't know, but I can't stand the smell...  
  
Kain: I think we're gonna paint backdrops today, Whore #2!!  
  
Umah: Will you quit calling me that!?  
  
Faustus: I don't know how to paint!!  
  
Griz: I do!!  
  
Faustus: That's good, Whore #1...  
  
_Lightning strikes by Faustus's foot and thunder crashes._  
  
Griz: You will refer to me as Griz, or that lightning _will_ hit you.  
  
Faustus: *whispers to Kain* Feisty one, ain't she..?  
  
Kain: You don't know the half of it, Fausty...  
  
Faustus: Kain! You used my childhood nickname!!  
  
Kain: *gasp* I did?  
  
Elder's Voice: Yes, you did!!!  
  
Griz: ....Uh...can we get some volunteers...from out there? *posts note on door, which reads:*  
  
**HELP WANTED!!**  
  
We need people to help paint the sets.  
  
We need people to help run the lights.  
  
We need people to help choregraph.  
  
And finally, we need a few people to play University students because the rest of the Circle of Nine ran away...  
  
**Please apply via review. Thank you.**


	3. The Crew

**Rehearsal A**

  
  
Umah: So we have a crew now?  
  
Kain: Yup.  
  
Dumah: Will we need any more people?  
  
Amara: ...was getting the Sarafan to play the parts of the never-seen French Army a really good idea, Griz?  
  
Griz: Well, it was better than getting the Backstreet Boys...  
  
_All cringe_  
  
Ariel: Please, I don't wanna hear it...  
  
Raziel: I still don't know how to pronounce my character's name...  
  
Rahab: You can't pronounce anything anyways.  
  
Raziel: Then why don't have your own game, huh?  
  
Turel: Grow up, both of you!!  
  
Raziel: *mutters darkly about getting told off by his younger brother*  
  
Faustus: *rolls eyes* So, who's the crew, Grizzums..? *braces self for slap, which doesn't come*  
  
Griz: Umm...*looks for Scotch tape so she can post the list*  
  
Dumah: So how come he doesn't get slapped or otherwise abused for calling you Grizzums?  
  
Griz: Um...because I like him better than I like you? Ah...there's the Scotch tape...*posts list*  
  


**The Crew/Extras**  
  
**Angel-chan-**Set Designer/Choreographer  
  
**Ali-**University Student A (Who will eventually have a nice French name)  
  
**AmuseMe-**Set Designer  
  
**Demon Hunter Anamae-**Choregrapher/University Student B (Who will eventually have a nice French name)  
  
**Dragonclaw-**University Student C (Who will also eventually have a nice French name)  
  
**Guardian of Tears-**Light Technician  
  
**GoT's Characters-**The two constables who arrest Valjean  
  
**Venris13-**Light Technician  
  


  
  
And...you will all also be beggars, drinkers, and guests at the Wedding. *hands out copies of the script and the sheet music to all the volunteers*  
  
Griz: Thank you all very much! 'Tis appreciated! ^^ 


	4. Grizzy had a blond moment!

**Grizzy had a blonde moment!**

  
  
Griz: It appears we've forgotten a few secondary characters....soo...here's who's playing them:  
  


**Secondary Characters**

  
  
**Anacrothe, Bane, and Marcus**  
Sailors  
  
**The Sarafan Lord**  
The Foreman  
  
**Sebastian, King Ottmar, and Dejoule**  
Factory Workers  
  
**Dejoule**  
Factory Girl  
  
**Ice, Umah, Dejoule, Amara, Rupali**  
Women Workers/Women of Paris  
(Ice, Umah, Dejoule, Amara, and Rupali: This means costume changes in short spaces of time, doesn't it?)  
  
**Azimuth**  
Young Prostitute  
(Azimuth: So I go from Crone to Young Prostitute all in the space of a few songs?)  
  
**Dejoule**  
Old Beggar Woman  
  
**Sebastian**  
Pimp #2  
(Sebastian: *slaps Faustus on the back* We be pimpin'!)  
  
**Raziel**  
Major Domo  
(Raziel: Wha...?)  
  
**_Thenardier's Gang:_**  
**Montparnasse-** Melchiah  
**Babet-** Magnus  
**Brujon-** Vorador  
**Claquesous-** Marcus  
(Kain: What is it with you and bald people!?)  
  
**Moebius, Faustus, Rahab, Sebastian, Mortanius, Vorador**  
The Chain Gang  
  
**All (including Volunteers)**  
The Poor/Beggars/Guests at the Wedding  
  
Griz: Okay...that should cover it. Unless I have another blond moment. Rehearsals start at the next chapter, don't y'all be late now, y'hear? 


	5. And...weeeeeeee're off! But not to see ...

**Rehearsals...**

  
A/N: Awrighty, thanks to a homie of mine, I've been able to see most of the Les Miserables 10th Anniversary concert! So I now have reference...*mutters something about Michael Maguire being very pretty and something about how much fun it would be to draw Janos in a Jean Valjean costume*  
*****************************************************  
Janos: She's obsessed...  
  
Malek: Why can't she be obsessed with ME?  
  
Janos: Because you're annoying and insubstantial. Hey, here come our volunteers...and Griz..  
  
Kain: HIDE ME! HIDE ME!  
  
Raziel: Oh, grow up...*grins wickedly* "Little Gavroche!!"  
  
Kain: I am _SO_ tossing you in the Abyss...  
  
Griz: *skips up to Janos, Malek, Kain, and Raziel* Hi, guys, guess what?  
  
All: What?  
  
Griz: I'm not directing this plaaaaaaaaaaaay!!  
  
Janos: Haha...funny joke...hehe..eh..heh..you're serious?  
  
_Griz nods._  
  
Malek: Soo...who is?  
  
_Ali presses a button on a tape player, which plays "One-Winged Angel" , Angel-chan and DHA turn on the fog effects, AmuseMe lowers a backdrop that looks suspiciously like it was stolen from "Cats", and Venris13 and GoT dim the lights, creating an eerie effect...and out from the shadows steps... _  
  
Janos: ....  
  
Faustus: ....Sephiroth?  
  
Sephiroth: Yup.  
  
Malek: *cower* Why him? Why him??  
  
Amara: ...Sephiroth-sama! *bows*  
  
Ice: ...*also bows*  
  
Umah: He's hot..  
  
Kain: Oh, sure, and get on _my_ case about thinking someone else is hot...there's a good reason I killed you...*gripe gripe gripe*  
  
Umah: ....I'm sorry, I love you Kain.  
  
Kain: Riiiiight...*attempts to kill Umah...AGAIN.*  
  
Sephiroth: ....And you guys want me to work with these dumbasses?  
  
Griz and volunteers: Yeah...  
  
_Several hours later_  
  
DHA: Dance you fools! Dance like you've never danced before!  
  
Vorador: *starts singing "Maniac* She's a maaaaaaniac, maaaaaaaaaaniac on the flooooooooor...  
  
Ariel: And she's dancing like she's never danced beeeefoooreee!! *does a stag leap*  
  
Angel-chan: ...That was disturbing.  
  
DHA: Okay, guys...we'd like you all to get in a straight line...no, side by side, not in front of each other...good...  
  
Angel-chan: And then...do this!! *starts Riverdancing*  
  
DHA: ..hehe...*joins in*  
  
Raziel: Are we gonna do this in the actual show..?  
  
Angel-chan: Nope, I was just seeing if you would actually _DO_ it! MWAHAHA!  
  
_Meanwhile, at an Opera House somewhere in the middle of nowhere_  
  
AmuseMe: So...where's the stage gonna be?  
  
GoT: *is thinking of shining a spotlight in Kain's eyes while he's singing*  
  
Venris13: *is already planning devious things to do with the sound effects*  
  
Sephiroth: Griz said something about a trap door leading to a basement...  
  
AmuseMe: Like...that one over there?  
  
Sephiroth: *checks the directions sheet Griz gave him* Yeah, like that one over...wait a second, that's it!!  
  
AmuseMe: You are extremely dense...  
  
Sephiroth: Yeah, I know...was that an insult? *brandishes that special sword of his*  
  
AmuseMe: ...whatever. Let's go. *opens the trapdoor and goes down the stairs, followed by Venris13 and GoT, as Sephiroth merrily skips back to the rehearsals*  
_Back at rehearsals.._  
  
Sephiroth: Okay, Rupali, Dumah, let's try that again...  
  
Dumah: *sings, anybody care to guess what song?* And I soar through a world that is new, that is free!  
  
Rupali: *also sings* Every word that he says is a dagger in me! *dodges as several daggers are thrown at her, one for every word Dumah's said*  
  
Sephiroth: Alright, who's the wit with the daggers? *goes over to a suspicious looking box with curtains all around it*  
  
Scary Voice: IGNORE THE PEOPLE BEHIND THE CURTAINS!! Er..there _are_ no people behind the curtains..eh..hehehe..heh.. _Sephiroth slashes the curtains with his nifty sword that has a name which I forgot, to reveal DHA, Ali, Angel-chan, and Dragonclaw, sitting around a big box of daggers, one of them has a vocal distortion thingie attached to a microphone_  
  
Ali: Oh, uh...hi Sephy! Wassup?  
  
Sephiroth: You're needed at the barricades...  
  
Dragonclaw: *opens her script and flips through it ala "Robin Hood: Men in Tights"*  
  
Ali: *also does so*  
  
DHA: Aha! No we're not!! We're still in the first act!  
  
Sephiroth: ....*walks off mumbling something incomprehensible*  
  
Dragonclaw: What'd he say?  
  
Ali: ....who knows?  
  
Angel-chan: Probably using foul language...  
  
DHA: ....oh well...*resumes throwing daggers*  
  
_At the Opera House_  
  
_The trapdoor goes down to a little boat at a little underground river..does "Phantom of the Opera" come to mind?_  
  
AmuseMe: 'Kay...we get in the boat...and we go to a little house. Griz says that the guy who lives in the house will let us build a set by a somewhat calm, deep part of the river.  
  
GoT: Why do we need to be by a river?  
  
AmuseMe: The note says something about a character jumping off a bridge into the Seine...I guess they want it believable...  
  
Venris13: Or Griz just wants to be abusive.  
  
GoT: *snickers*  
  
_At rehearsals_  
  
Kain: Hey...Griz...we got a surprise for you, me and my boys..consider it a thank-you for that "Talk" fic...*lines up his sons in a chorus line* Ready boys?  
  
Lieutenants: Ready, Daddy!  
  
Kain: Okay...here we go...*sings* Oh, the sun'll come out tommorrow,  
  
Zephon: Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow there'll be sun!  
  
Raziel: Just thinkin' about tomorrow clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow,  
  
Melchiah: 'Til there's none!  
  
Turel: When I'm stuck with a day that's gray and lonely,  
  
_Griz starts having a fit_  
  
Dumah: I just stick out my chin and grin, and say..."Oooooooooh,"  
  
Raziel: "The sun'll come out tomorrow,"  
  
Raziel and Dumah: "So you gotta hang on til' tomorrow,"  
  
Turel: "Come what maaaaaaaay!" Rahab: "Tomorrow! Tomorrow!"  
  
_Faustus joins in_  
  
Faustus: "I love ya, tomorrow! You're always a day away!!"  
  
Kain, Lieutenants, and Faustus: "Toomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya, tomorrow! You're always a daaaaaaaay aaaaaaa waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!"  
  
_All run as Griz picks up the Soul Reaver and chases them_  
  
DHA: *snickers* Now we know what annoys Griz...  
  
Ali: MWAHAAHAHA *smirk*...  
  
Dragonclaw: ...*evil smile*  
  
_Back under the Opera House_  
  
AmuseMe: Here we are..this is the house.  
  
Venris13: So, do we ring the bell?  
  
GoT: *shiver* I can picture it now.."Hello, girls, I'm the Phantom of the Opera, what do you want?"  
  
AmuseMe: So..let's break in!  
  
Venris13: Are you insane...this is the Phantom of the Opera's house!!  
  
AmuseMe: Yes, I'm insane...but it doesn't say whose house it is...it just says a guy lives here...  
  
Voice: Oh...but I _AM_ the Phantom of the Opera!! *Phantom of the Opera theme song starts* I am everywhere!! I am inside your miiiiiiiiiiiiind!!  
  
_Phantom jumps out of nowhere_  
  
Venris13: It really _IS_ the Phantom!!  
  
Phantom: My name's _ERIK_.  
  
GoT: Uh...hello, Erik...can we use the stage by the undergroud river by your house?  
  
Erik: Why?  
  
Venris13: We're part of the crew for Les Miserables...ya know, the one with the vampires?  
  
Erik: You mean the musical that that idiot Griz is producing...?  
  
AmuseMe: That would be the one.  
  
Erik: No.  
  
GoT: Why not?  
  
Erik: How do I know you're not lying? How do I know you're not rabid fangirls?  
  
Venris13: ...  
  
AmuseMe: *sigh* You're paranoid..  
  
GoT: Why would you, of all people, have fangirls anyways..?  
  
Erik: *sighs*  
  
Venris13: *walks up to Erik, kicks him in the shin, and yanks off his mask*  
  
Erik: *turns out to be very good-looking...you were expecting him to be ugly?* And that is why I have fangirls..gimme my mask!  
  
Venris13: No.  
  
Erik: Please?  
  
Venris13: No. *tosses it to AmuseMe*  
  
Erik: Ha ha, this is so much fun. Will you give me back my mask now?  
  
AmuseMe: ...Let me think. NO! *tosses mask to GoT*  
  
Erik: *runs over to GoT and tries to grab his mask, but she tosses it to Venris13*  
  
_This starts a game of Keep-Away_ Erik: Alright, if I let you use the stage behind my house, will you give me bck my mask?  
  
GoT: *throws the mask at Erik and hits him in the face*  
  
AmuseMe: Thank you! *hugs Erik*  
  
Erik: No problem..  
  
_Several days later_  
  
*Griz, the volunteers, and Sephiroth are all seated around a table*  
  
Griz: And he didn't give you any trouble?  
  
GoT: Well...some...  
  
AmuseMe: We did almost have to sic the fangirls on him a couple times...  
  
Venris13: We were tempted to destroy his mask, too...  
  
Sephiroth: I shoulda been there...I would woulda kicked his arse!  
  
Ali: *snort* Riiiiight..you probably would have run away in terror...  
  
Angel-chan: Hehehe...hey, Seph! Put down that sword! We were joking!!  
  
_To be continued..._


	6. Of Interdimensional Space Pockets and Ra...

**

Of Interdimensional Space Pockets and Rabid Javert Fangirls

**  
  
A/N: I kinda borrowed the space pocket idea from a Sailor Moon RPG..and..well, don't the Kain fangirls get kinda...old? Furthermore, The Daroga is a character in the novel "Phantom of the Opera". He doesn't appear in the musical for some reason. Umm..and no offense to the Javert fangirls out there..  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Angel-Chan: I can't believe we survived an angry Sephiroth..  
  
Erik: Me either...  
  
Angel-Chan: Get away from me, creep!  
  
Erik: *pout* Nobody loves me..*pout pout pout*  
  
Daroga: I love you, Erik!  
  
Erik: Where the hell did you come from?  
  
Sephiroth: SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU!! I HAVE A FRAGGIN' MIGRAINE!!  
  
Daroga: _Somebody_ needs a nap...  
  
Sephiroth: I heard that, you poor excuse for a character in a book.  
  
Daroga: That's it! Now I'm angry!!  
  
AmuseMe: *throws a can of neon pink paint at them both, hitting Sephiroth in the head and turning his hair neon pink* Knock it off!  
  
Sephiroth: *cries* My hair! My gorgeous, sexy hair!  
  
Ali: Shut up, you egotistical bastard..  
  
DHA: *to small group of male characters* Plie, releve, plie, releve..okay, I think you've got it...  
  
_Several Hours Later_  
  
Kain: Malek's sideburns are falling off again..  
  
Dragonclaw: Malek has sideburns?  
  
Angel-chan: They're fake. We're gonna need cement to hold them on..  
  
DHA: And, Griz, umm...well, the little elves in the costume shop...  
  
7-foot-tall-elf-from-the-costume-shop: Who you callin' little, punk?  
  
DHA: *shoves elf into orchestra pit* Anyways, they can't make a costume for Malek..  
  
Griz: Too hard? Too detailed?  
  
DHA: Actually, they're all too scared of him.  
  
Griz: Ah..hold on a second...*reaches into the conveniently placed Interdimensional Space Pocket and yanks out..Javert!*  
  
Javert: I just jumped into the river...am I dead? Is this hell?  
  
Griz: *cheerfully* Close enough!  
  
DHA: *reaches into the Space pocket and yanks out Faustus*  
  
Faustus: Hey!  
  
DHA: ^^ It works! *shoves Faustus back in, and yanks him back out again*  
  
Faustus: I hate being pretty..AARGH! *is shoved back into the Space Pocket*  
  
_At the Scene Shop_  
  
Angel-chan: We got any more wite-out, AmuseMe?  
  
AmuseMe: *hands over a big bucket of wite-out* Yeah, why?  
  
Angel-chan: That doof Erik was painting anarchy signs on the backdrops again...  
  
AmuseMe: I hate him. I hate, hate, _HATE_ him!  
  
_Back wherever Griz is_  
  
Javert: And you want my uniform _WHY?_  
  
Griz: You see that suit of armor over there? The walking, talking one with sideburns?  
  
Javert: Oui.   
  
Griz: Well, the little elves in the costume shop..  
  
7-foot-tall-elf: STOP CALLING US LITTLE!!  
  
Griz: *takes Javert's nightstick and beats the elf with it* Anyways, he needs your uniform as a costume...  
  
Javert: I don't think so!  
  
Griz: Fine, we have no choice...Go ahead and open the cage, guys...  
  
_Ali and Dragonclaw open a large cage from which emerges...Screaming Rabid Javert Fangirls!_  
  
Javert: Oh, shit. Not them! *is surrounded and glomped by all of them*  
  
Ali: So, uh, Griz, what was the point of the fangirls?  
  
Griz: They'll do a lovely job of getting Javert's uniform off..*evil Professor Tomoe laugh*  
  
Dragonclaw: You are _SICK._  
  
_In the Dance Studio_  
  
DHA: Okay guys, let's try that again..it goes like this..*starts tape* "Can-can can you do the can-can?"  
  
Janos: Surely you jest!  
  
Faustus: *dazed from being shoved in and out of the Space Pocket* C'est moi, C'est moi..  
  
Angel-chan: Hey! This is Les Miserables, not Camelot!  
  
DHA: You have to admit it was funny..  
  
Angel-chan: Think we can get him to sing the whole song?  
  
DHA: ...hehe...let's try..  
  
_Back wherever Griz is_  
  
Dragonclaw: Looks like they got his uniform off...  
  
Ali: Somebody better stop 'em...like, before they take his underwear, too...  
  
Griz: *runs over to the fangirls and prys Javert, and his uniform out of their grasp* Thanks, guys!  
  
Rabid Javert Fangirl #1: You mean we get his uniform off and we don't even get to keep it? That sucks! I'm going home.  
  
Other Fangirls: Yeah, us too...*leave*  
  
Javert: I'm in my underwear here! Can I have my uniform back?  
  
Ali: Nope..*points to Malek* He's wearing it now. He might give it back if you beat him in combat, but he does have the advantage of being immortal..  
  
Javert: Can I go home now?  
  
Dragonclaw: Only if you want the whole of Paris to see your underpants...  
  
Javert: I hate you all...  
  
_After rehearsal at the coffee shop_  
  
Raziel: And then, out of nowhere runs this hoarde of screaming fangirls who glomped Malek and tried to rip his costume off!  
  
GoT: *laughs*  
  
Janos: Malek got...fangirls..? *shudder* That is just _WRONG!_  
  
AmuseMe: Acutally, they confused Malek for the creep with sideburns that's running around in his uunderpants making attempts on everyone's life..  
  
Janos: You mean Erik?  
  
AmuseMe: No, I mean the guy Griz pulled out of the Space Pocket..Erik has sideburns? *looks puzzled*  
  
Erik: Sideburns are _SO_ tacky. I'll settle for copying Legolas' look...  
  
Legolas: First Elrond, now you...*pout*  
  
Janos: Where the hell did _HE_ come from?  
  
GoT: *points to Space Pocket, where Angel-chan is yanking out random LOTR characters*  
  
Janos: ...That dwarf is giving me dirty looks!  
  
_TO BE...you know.._


	7. Whaddya mean, "Costume Parade?"?!

**Whaddya mean, "Costume Parade"?!**

  
  
Kain: Oh, what's next, what's next! We haven't even finished rehearsals yet...!  
  
Sebastian: This is Griz we're talking about...she can torture us 3 or 4 ways at the same time!  
  
Ice: That sounded _WRONG.._  
  
Rupali: STOP CORRUPTING MY INNOCENT MIND!!  
  
Amara: ...You still have an innocent mind? After knowing me and Ice for..a long time? _HOW CAN THAT BE POSSIBLE?_  
  
Rupali: I don't know, but it is...  
  
Dumah: Here she comes..scotch tape, tacky red 1965 Thunderbird..._(is hit on the head by Amara)_  
  
Amara: Don't you talk about my mummy's car like that!  
  
Dumah: Sorry about that, 'Mara, luv...  
  
Janos: _(On his knees, looking like he's praying)_ We're not opening yet...please! We haven't even had our dress rehearsal...  
  
Vorador: _(Clearly very stoned)_ What a feelin'! Bein's believin'! I can have it all...  
  
Umah: Maybe this _is_ dress rehearsal...  
  
Seer: I doubt that...  
  
Umah: Where the hell did _you_ come from?  
  
Seer: Well, Griz spotted my _obvious_ talent as an actress, which is more than you've got, and cast me...  
  
Umah: WHY I OUGHTA--_(starts fighting with the Seer)_  
  
Faustus: _(Suddenly has an idea)_ What is this fighting all about?  
  
Marcus: _(goes along with the joke)_ Will someone tear those two apart?  
  
Sebastian: _(also going along wit the joke)_ This is a factory, _NOT_ a circus!  
  
Faustus: Well, it's not really a factory...  
  
Sebastian: Just going along with the joke!  
  
Magnus: Now, come on ladies, settle down! I own a business of repute, I am-- Oh, hi Griz..heh..^^;;  
  
Griz: Oh, I'm glad to see you've all memorized _JANOS'S_ lines!  
  
All: _(mumble)_ Sorry.  
  
Angel-chan: So, what are we doing today?  
  
Griz: Well, the little elves in the costume shop...  
  
Legolas: I AM NOT LITTLE!  
  
AmuseMe: You're also not in the costume shop.  
  
Seven-foot-tall-constantly-abused-elf: But _I_ am!!  
  
Legolas: And we're _all_ surprised at how tall _YOU_ are, Mr. Santa's Helper!  
  
Seven-foot-tall-constantly-abused-elf: Oh, that is it. You are _so_ dead, you pathetic excuse for a--_(gets kicked by Pippin)_ OWIE!!  
  
Pippin: Don't you talk about my friends like that! Meanie! _(kicks him again)_  
  
Gimli: What are you doing, blue winged one?  
  
Janos: I am praying. Go away.  
  
Gimli: Make me.  
  
Janos: _(stands up and picks up the dwarf)_  
  
Gimli: Hey, what are you doing...Hey! Nobody tosses a dwarf! _(Janos tosses Gimli out a window)_  
  
Dumah: Aw, whatcha do that for? He was a good drinking buddy...  
  
Other-elf-from-the-costume-shop: Um...we need you all to try on your costumes...  
  
_(several hours later)_  
  
Seer: I look like a whore!  
  
Faustus: Well...you are...  
  
Seer: WHAT?  
  
Faustus: _(points to the Cast list on the Wall)_ It says, right there, "Whore #3, Seer".  
  
Seer: Griz will die by my hand.  
  
Faustus: Aw, c'mon. I'm the Pimp.  
  
Seer: Oh, Okay! ^^  
  
Griz: And you're also taking Dejoule's job as the factory girl...  
  
DeJoule: WHAT!?  
  
Griz: Well, you have lots of parts...you can share...put down the crossbow...SERCURITY!!  
  
_(Dejoule gets tossed in the soundproof vault)_  
  
Angel-chan: You _need_ to work on your people skills..  
  
Griz: Me? Or the sercurity guys.  
  
Angel-chan: Um...both of you!  
  
Vorador: _(even more stoned than he was earlier)_ In a white room, with black curtains...  
  
Rupali: _(Follows Vorador with a notepad)_ He's clearly been taking hallucinogens, LSD perhaps...wait, no...stimulants...wait, no...  
  
DHA: LSD? Who the hell gave Vorador acid?  
  
Janos: ...Him._(points to a stoned hippie sitting in the corner)_  
  
Stoned Hippie: I had to share the love, man! _Peace!_  
  
Griz: _(sigh)_ Security! Security!  
  
Sephiroth: HEY! SECURITY! OFF YOUR LAZY DONUT-DUNKING ASSES! GET THAT STONER OUTTA HERE!  
  
_(grumbling, the Security guards put down their donuts and toss the Stoned Hippie in the Soundproof Vault)_  
  
AmuseMe: _(happily varnishes an antique style chair)_ Last one...last one! And then lunch!   
  
GoT: _(on the catwalk)_ It's only a light bulb...I can change a light bulb, I'm only 50 feet above the stage..._(changes the light bulb with no problem)_  
  
Angel-chan: _(paints a goatee on Erik)_ There. You blend in now.  
  
DHA: _(teaches Umah how to tackle people) _  
  
Umah: Why do I need to know this?  
  
DHA: You're Ariel's body double for the arrest scene.  
  
Umah: Do I get to sing?  
  
DHA: No.  
  
_(Right before lunchbreak)_  
  
Sephiroth: Okay....you've all done very well. Constables, do your costumes fit okay?  
  
Ilit & Donovan: Yeah.  
  
Sephiroth: Alright. You all change out of your costumes and I'll see you at lunch!  
  
All: _run back to the dressing room)_  
  
_(After everyone has gone...everyone, that is, but AmuseMe and the people in the soundproof vault)_  
  
AmuseMe: I'm forgetting something...  
  
Hippie & Dejoule: *beat on windows and scream* Let us out! Let us out!  
  
AmuseMe: _(doesn't hear them, 'cos it's SOUNDPROOF!)_ Oh, yeah. _(grabs her coat and leaves)_  
  
DeJoule: NOOOOOOOO!  
  
Stoned Hippie: Oh well. You want some pot?  
  
DeJoule: ....whatever. 


	8. Overdramatics, Erik, and Conductors

**Overdramatics, Erik, and Conductors**

  
  
Sephiroth: We're practicing with the orchestra today...  
  
Ali: Your hair is still pink.  
  
Sephiroth: Shut up.  
  
Ali: Make me.  
  
Sephiroth: *walks off muttering*  
  
AmuseMe: Finally! The set's built! I just need to know how to use the rotating set thingie!  
  
Erik: You push that button to rotate the little platform that the set's gonna be on...  
  
AmuseMe: This one? *points to a button that says "Do not push unless you really really really mean it!"*  
  
Erik: No! Not that one!  
  
_(AmuseMe pushes the button anyways, causing a piano to fall on Erik's head)_  
AmuseMe: Hey, I like that button! *pushes it again and causes a pipe organ to fall on Erik's head*  
  
Sephiroth: Oi....MEDIC!!  
  
Angel-chan: Do you all know your dances?  
  
All: YEAH!  
  
DHA: All righty. But let's run through that "Flashdance" routine one more time.  
  
Vorador: Noo...let's do "One Day More!" *giggles, sounding like a pansy*  
  
DHA: Did that Hippie give Vorador more drugs?  
  
Vorador: What? No! It was...um...uh...somebody must have spiked my drink!  
  
Angel-chan: Well, who could have...?  
  
_(Janos, Dumah, and Gimli try their very best to look innocent)_  
  
Amara: Dumah! Janos! How could you!?  
  
Dumah: It was just a little joke...  
  
Janos: I don't see why I always get classified as a perfect little angel, anyways...*takes a little flask out of his pocket and has a long drink*  
  
Gimli: Hey, look on the bright side! We didn't give him acid! ...This time. Amara: ...where's my Mummy?  
  
Imhotep: *waves at Amara*  
  
Amara: Not you, you ugly doof! I was talking about Griz!  
  
_(Griz makes a very dramatic entrance, wearing her "Whore" costume and sobbing)_  
  
Amara: Oh no, Mummy, what's wrong?  
  
Ice: It's another nasty breakup...  
  
Amara: No it's not! What's wrong?  
  
Griz: *blows nose* It's another nasty breakup!  
  
Ice: I told you so!  
  
Amara: Aww....did Akio's Car dump you? Again?  
  
Griz: *nods, falls to knees, and starts singing* Lasciatemi, morire! Lasciatemi, morire!  
  
Ice: Mom really needs to find a better guy...  
  
Amara: *nod*  
  
DHA: Is your mom always like this?  
  
Ice: This is one of her better breakups...  
  
Griz: *still singing* E, che volete, che mi conforte. In cosi dura sorte, in cosi gran martire!  
  
Angel-chan: What language is that?  
  
Amara: ....I have no clue.  
  
Ice: Sounds like Latin.  
  
DHA: What your mom needs...is a guy like...*grabs Javert* him!  
  
Javert: What? Uh-oh...They're gonna take my underwear now, too?  
  
Ice: Uh...well, she doesn't...like guys who run around in their underpants all the time...  
  
DHA: She went out with a car.  
  
Amara: But that was _AKIO'S_ Car. Normally she wouldn't have bothered.  
  
DHA: Point taken.  
  
Griz: *still singing* Lasciatemi, morire!  
  
Angel-chan: Finally...she's done...*notices Griz has a hold of the hem of Sebastian's Cape and wiping her eyes with it* Oh my...  
  
Sephiroth: The orchestra's here. Places, everyone!  
  
_Act 1, scene...whatever_  
  
Janos: Who am I? 24601!! *attempts to get his shirt open just enough to see the numbers "24601" on his chest, accidentally yanks it off, and is immediately glomped by all the Janos fangirls...including Griz.*  
  
Sephiroth: ARRRRRGH! *pulls (neon pink) hair*  
  
_(The End of the First Act)_  
  
All (singing really loud): One! Day! More! AAAAAAHHH!  
  
_(A row of lights falls into the orchestra pit, squashing the poor conductor and a couple of cellists)_  
  
Sephiroth: Oh no! How did that happen!?  
  
GoT: Whatever it was, it wasn't my fault!  
  
Erik: Noo, it was MINE! *evil laugh*  
  
Sephiroth: ....What did he ever do to you, anyways?  
  
Erik: I hate conductors, ever since one stole my girlfriend...  
  
Daroga: Why anybody would want to leave someone as handsome as you...I mean...uhh...I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT!!  
  
Stoned Hippie: Ooo...looks like the Daroga likes Erik...  
  
Sephiroth: HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET OUT OF THAT VAULT!!  
  
Hippie: *points to Vorador*  
  
Sephiroth: YOU IMBECILE!! *attacks Vorador*  
  
Venris: I'll assume it's safe to go home now.  
  
Ali: Yeah. Let's go. _(Everybody leaves)_  
  
A/N: Yes, I do know what language that song Griz sings is in, because my voice teacher is having me sing it. It's Italian, and the song is..about 300 years old. Yeah. 


End file.
